Friday, January 21, 2005


George W. Bush's Balls

Put 'em away George! We can't take any more!

I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of hearing about George Bush's balls. I really couldn't care less about how long he danced, what time he went to bed, who the caterer was, or how many balls he's had. And for God's sake, who the hell cares what Laura was wearing? She could wear a diamond studded gown and it wouldn't change anything. She's still a doormat for a moron.

But no, we have to hear about it all. We need to know how long he danced at each of the ten balls he attended. We need to know who the chef was for the "Black Tie and Boots" ball and how he prepares his brisket. Why? Because it's important, dammit! This stuff matters!

Actually, the reason we keep hearing about Bush's balls is because there isn't anything else positive to report on this hayseed. Honestly, what are they going to report? Are they going to say that he spent $44 million on this little shindig while he's considering cutting Medicaid? I don't think so. Or maybe they could report about the thirty-eight American troops that have been killed in Iraq so far this month. Or they could always report on the fake social security crisis the Bush administration is trying to push on us. Or they could even report about the impending arrest of Ahmed Chalabi, George's guest of honor at his last State of the Union address.

But no, none of those things are as important as George W. Bush's balls. So we get to hear about how big George's balls are. And we get to hear about how lavish George's balls are. And frankly, I'm getting a little nauseated by all the attention George's balls are getting. I can only hope that we don't have to hear about Laura's bush anytime soon. There's no way I could deal with that!

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