Wednesday, June 29, 2005


It Sucks to be Old - Part 2

I'm back!!! It's Mrs. kissfan here as your guest blogger. Kissfan is very busy tonight studying for a test that he has tomorrow. So I said, "Don't worry. I've got you covered." I know that I promised some Band-Aid stories, but this is way better. On Sunday I had the opportunity to watch kissfan play softball.

Grandma and Grandpa kissfan took the little kissfans to St. Louis for the weekend, so I was free to watch the old guys play. The outing started as usual with kissfan lubing up his elbows and knees. I had to thank him later for doing that in the bedroom. Our room smelled like Ben-Gay for the rest of the day. We then made out trek to the park. At first they were all excited to see me. They all kept saying, "Alright - we've got a fan!" Each week all of the guys have to pay a dollar (it's to pay the umpires). Kissfan was trying to get out of paying his dollar since he brought a fan. In the end, he had to bum a dollar off of me.

Before the game began, the guys all warmed up by playing catch and making fun of each other. The big excitement, however, was that they had ten players show up. This means that they could play four in the outfield. I'm told that they usually only have seven or eight guys show up. They were all wearing their bright yellow T-shirts - all except for one guy. He had on the old blue T-shirt that they wore a couple of years ago. He kept referring to it as the "throw back uniform." I just think that he didn't want to look like a road sign.

When the game started, kissfan was up first. He ended up with a walk. I think it was the first walk that the team has ever gotten. I think two runs were scored by the old guys, and then it was the other team's turn to bat. Let me take a moment to tell you about the other team. This group takes the game very seriously. They have scouts that hang out at the park all afternoon to check out the other teams. I'm told that they even keep a book - whatever that means. Usually the old guys just make fun of them for taking the game so seriously. The old guys are pretty sure that they could beat the other team if they were just ten years younger, fifty pounds lighter, and didn't have DD man-boobs (kissfan is excluded on all but the ten years younger). Anyway, the old guys held them to four runs. Here's the best part of this story. Do you remember that I told you last time that the local chiropractor sponsors the team and that he also plays on the team? Well, he was playing right field. A ball came out to him, but he couldn't get his glove on the ground to pick it up. I think he ran past it three times trying to get low enough to get it. Keep in mind, the guy is only 35 years old. As it turns out, he hurt his back and was unable to pick up the ball. Insert your own joke here. The next inning he moved to catcher.

After the second at bat, Joey P. had to leave because his kid was playing T-ball on the next field and he wanted to go watch. It made me wonder what kissfan would have done if one of the little kissfans would have had a ballgame at the same time. I didn't have to think too long before I remembered that the situation had presented itself a couple of years ago. Kissfan stayed at his game, and I ran back and forth and watched both games at the same time. AAAHHH priorities.

Back to the story...

After the second at bat, Joey P. had to leave. Doc moved to catcher, the catcher (I can't remember his nick name) moved to third, and Kilby moved to the outfield. Let me tell you, with only three guys in the outfield, a whole lot of profanity could be heard. This is why I don't bring the little kissfans to watch daddy play. Kissfan kept telling me afterwards that the field is a piece of shit and that the ball kept taking bad hops. I don't know if that is true, but I saw him doing a lot of running around out there. He never seemed to be running the same direction that the ball was hopping.

The other team kept scoring and eventually the ten run rule was enforced. I can't remeber the final score, but they lost by over ten runs. After the game I wasn't greeted with the same excitement that I was greeted with before the game started. Instead of "We have a fan!" it was "Get back! You're bad luck!" I really don't think that I brought them bad luck - the ten run rule is applied at most of their games.

That ends my tale for this week. Kissfan should be back tomorrow. By the way, the Mellencamp show last night was great. We had lawn seats, but some girls who had won tickets in the 17th row decided not to stay, and gave us their tickets. I don't know why they picked us out of the crowd, but it was GREAT!

Thanks for reading!!!!

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